Dear Scarlet,
I am writing this on this blog because this is quite personal for me and I do not wish to share it with everyone that reads or can have access to my other blog, plus it's about you, so what better place!
I hear they say if you have an easy pregnancy and an easy delivery, you'll have an hard baby. And if you have a hard pregnancy and hard delivery that you'll have an easy baby. We'll, your brother was an easy pregnancy up to the end, when I had to be induced because my blood pressure started spiking (very dangerous!), and then he wanted to be stubborn and keep his hand on top of his head which make his hand so swollen and the doctors had to take him away for a few hours for examination. That wasn't that difficult, could have been worse, so relatively he was an easy pregnancy and easy birth. And he was a pretty easy baby once I got into the groove with feeding and taking care of a newborn. So far toddler years are a bit different. He has an attitude to be rivaled with the most spoiled adult, is so hard headed that often we spend the day going through the battle of the wills (mommy usually wins), but he really is a good kid. He loves us very much, he is very intelligent, very active, and listens very well (for the most part, but that's all of us really).
You have been a smidgen challenging so far. It took me a while to convince daddy that I wanted to use a midwife with your birth, and for daddy to see the benefits of using the midwife over a traditional doctor and for him to support me. Then I had to convince the midwife that I was healthy enough for her to consider me a client. I have had several surgeries in the past 5 years and still have (as I write this) one tumor near my bladder that needs to be removed. I suspect that I will always be considered "slightly high risk" even after that last tumor is removed just because of the possibility of the tumors coming back. That's another story for another time. Then I had to convince the high risk obsetrician that I was able to handle this pregnancy the same way I was able to handle the pregnancy with Ethan, except I would be better at controlling my weight gain and my stress levels (what can lead to hypertension during pregnancy). Then when I had my anatomy sonogram at 20 weeks with you (where they measure all your bones, and look at your heart, lungs, brain, organs, mommys organs, the placenta, etc) I had a doctor who was not my recommended high risk doctor, and he was very negative concerning using a midwife (where the original doctor was very very supportive). Once I talked to the original doctor, he released me to the care of the midwife with the exception that if something changed that I would have to come see him again. All has been fine despite quite a few nose bleeds (which are common with mommies with sinus and allergy problems) except suddenly I have started to gain weight kind of fast. Between 20 and 24 weeks I gain 12 lbs, and between 24 and 28 weeks, I gained 7 lbs. I really should only be gaining about 4 lbs a month (1 lb a week), so this is kind of fast. And I feel it. I am so tired all the time. I barely can function in the mornings, yet I cannot sleep at night (you, little booger, are super active at night, kicking my nerves in my legs causing my legs to jump, me waking up hungry, having to use the restroom, etc). Sleep has been difficult. But honestly, the hardest part to date has been today. Today I had my gestational diabetes test. I failed it pretty bad. I started off higher than I should have been, then I spiked way high, and then way too low. I honestly had a feeling I was going to fail it when I drank the drink because it almost immediately made me feel bad. Sticky mouth, heart beating faster, upset tummy, just icky feeling. I didn't feel that way with Ethan. So now life gets very interesting.
Up to this point, I have been a sugar addict. Yes, mommy is human and I have my flaws. I love candy, chocolate, cookies, cakes, sweet drinks, you name it. It feels like it is what hits the spot. But I cannot have any more of those awesome things. What I eat is vitally important to controlling my blood sugar. Let me explain gestational diabetes as I know it. It is not known the actual cause of gestational diabetes (but it isn't anything mommy did to cause it). Some where my body becomes unable to use the insulin it produces to break down the glucose in my blood. The glucose is added when I eat, basically, anything, some things just have a much higher concentration of glucose. Because the glucose isn't getting broken down, mommies pancreas will discreet more insulin, which still won't work, by time my pancreas has produced enough insulin to handle some of the glucose, I go into a nose dive. All this while, the glucose in my blood is being passed to you. But the extra insulin I make cannot be passed. That means you are getting all this extra "sugar" that you don't need at all to develop, which could be why I have been gaining weight so fast. And if I do not get my glucose in control, through diet and exercise, than what will happen is you will become a large baby. Which isn't good because that could mean you could get stuck in delivery, or that you could break bones coming out, and worse, because your little body has been making extra insulin to break down the glucose, when you are born and you no longer have those extra glucose levels, your pancreas will take a few days to adjust, which means you will also have a massive drop in sugar levels. That will make nursing difficult, it will make bonding for us difficult, it will make mommies recovery difficult because now all that insulin in my system is actually working, too efficiently. And it puts you at a high risk for childhood diabetes and diabetes as an adult. So that's some serious stuff little girl!! What the midwife aims to do is control how much glucose I take in through my diet, and increase my metabolism through exercise. But that means the changes I will have to make are significant. It doesn't mean "eat more greens", it means, no sugar. At all. And even some of the stuff we don't "relate" to sugar is also a no no, such as potatoes, corn, peas, rice, white bread, most fruits. Because my body is not able to handle any form of sugar, whether it be what we think of in cookies, cakes, and candy, or in fruits, some veggies, and starchy foods. The exercise part really won't be that hard for me because once some of my energy starts coming back from stabilizing my diet, I will want to move. I know it sounds really petty to be whining about what I cannot eat, but that's just it. I am a sugar addict. And like any person with any kind of addiction (caffeine, cigarettes, liquor, drugs, gambling, etc), I will struggle overcoming this addiction. I will go through withdrawals I will be so cranky and upset and mad because I cannot have what I really want. And after a week or two, when my body finally rids all the toxins from the addiction, I will slowly notice less and less the sweet things I used to want. So the part is making it through the next couple of weeks. And having to prick my finger and test my blood 2 hours after I eat. Every time after I eat. That really hurts. And gets expensive. And honestly, eating right costs a lot of money. I don't understand why society is the way it is where it is cheaper to buy a box of macaroni and cheese, and a package of hot dogs, then it is to buy greens and whole grain break, and yogurts and fresh fruits and veggies. I guess all the artificial has become easier to manufacture than growing and producing the wholesome foods.
Basically, I need to control this immediately. Because if I cannot get it under control in a couple of weeks, I will have to go back and see the high risk ob. And they assured me that he would likely put me on oral medications at the time but I could continue to see the midwife. However, if it still doesn't get controlled, and I have to go to insulin injections (ouch!!), than I am no longer eligible to be taken care of by the midwife. And that really would be difficult to me. I have worked so HARD to go this route. But honestly, you being born healthy is far more important that who delivers you. I really just want to be able to stay out of hospitals. I have had enough of them to last me a life time. Anyway dear sweet child. I hope that this is the end of my difficulties with this pregnancy, and that my labor with you goes smoothly, and that you are who God intended you to be, whether it be difficult or easy. I love you so much already.
Love Mommy!!
