Dear Ethan M. Mann,
We, Mommy & Daddy, currently hereforth referred to as "the company", are writing you this letter in review of your current work status as child.
The company thus far has been pleased with your performance. The company would like you to work on the following things before your next review:
1) Pick up your toys when you are done playing with them
2) Ask for something you want instead of demanding it
3) If you are angry, please go to your room until your anger is in control
4) Help the company with everything they ask without arguement.
The company understands that these items above may be difficult at your current training. Therefore, the company will continue training you as long as needed to acheive these items as well as add additional duties according to your skill level. Please keep in mind the companies goal is to make you successful, thereby making the company successful.
These things are manditory to learn, as you are being promoted to big brother come the end of April. Until then, you will continue working for the company at your current rank, gaining the skills necessary to move forward in your new job. Some futures duties may include, but may not be limited to are:
1) Bringing the company a diaper, wipes, rash cream, etc
2) Holding your new sibling, kissing, and posing for pictures
3) Teaching your sibling the things you have already learned
4) Protecting your sibling from anything dangerous
We, the company, have 100% faith that you can complete these tasks. Please sign below if you understand the terms of your conditions.
Sincerely,
The Company
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Dear Ethan 8-14-12
Dear Ethan,
I am so sorry that I haven't posted in a very long time! You're personality is just so precious to me! Oh Man the things you say!!!!!!
For example, you found one of your old pacifiers in a box that was in your room. You brought it to me, and I was curious to see if you knew what it was so I asked you what it was. You told me it was for baby Weston (my friend Sarah's little boy who still uses pacifiers). I told you that it was for Ethan when he was a baby, for you. You then got very serious, and said, "No! It's for my baby sister!!". Well. Isn't that something funny because you do not have a baby sister, and mommy does not have a baby (that I know of) in my tummy, but that doesn't mean that mommy might have a baby, it it just means mommy doesn't know yet if I do or don't. It was kind of creepy how you said that. Creepy like you predicting something that I would find out sooner or later, just the way you said it was so confident that there couldn't be any other way.
And this morning, daddy had thrown away a toy he stepped on last night and thought he had broken. You were throwing away a bag when you saw it, you pulled it out, made a serious face, and said "my toys no go in trash!" Hahahahahah!
By the way, happy 3rd birthday (a week and a day late). I cannot believe that 3 years ago I was handed the most beautiful baby boy and told that you were mine to take home. How amazing is that?? Anyway my handsome, little man, I hope that one day you get to see these, and mostly I hope that I keep remembering to add entries to this so that you can have them to read!
Love
Mommy
I am so sorry that I haven't posted in a very long time! You're personality is just so precious to me! Oh Man the things you say!!!!!!
For example, you found one of your old pacifiers in a box that was in your room. You brought it to me, and I was curious to see if you knew what it was so I asked you what it was. You told me it was for baby Weston (my friend Sarah's little boy who still uses pacifiers). I told you that it was for Ethan when he was a baby, for you. You then got very serious, and said, "No! It's for my baby sister!!". Well. Isn't that something funny because you do not have a baby sister, and mommy does not have a baby (that I know of) in my tummy, but that doesn't mean that mommy might have a baby, it it just means mommy doesn't know yet if I do or don't. It was kind of creepy how you said that. Creepy like you predicting something that I would find out sooner or later, just the way you said it was so confident that there couldn't be any other way.
And this morning, daddy had thrown away a toy he stepped on last night and thought he had broken. You were throwing away a bag when you saw it, you pulled it out, made a serious face, and said "my toys no go in trash!" Hahahahahah!
By the way, happy 3rd birthday (a week and a day late). I cannot believe that 3 years ago I was handed the most beautiful baby boy and told that you were mine to take home. How amazing is that?? Anyway my handsome, little man, I hope that one day you get to see these, and mostly I hope that I keep remembering to add entries to this so that you can have them to read!
Love
Mommy
Monday, May 7, 2012
Dear Ethan 5-7-12
Hey my handsome little man,
It has been a little while since I have blogged to you. It seems times slips away sometimes, and before I know it, I have so much to share with you I start forgetting.
So simply, I am amazed on how much you have learned in the last two weeks. First, you decided on your own you were ready to start potty training again. I gave you the choice of diaper/pull up or big boy undies, and you always choose the big boy undies. I am so proud of you! Today you have ZERO accidents, including pooping three times and peeing multiple times. Not even a wet front of the undies as you didn't catch it in time. My gosh, it won't be long before you are heading off to college and I will still be reminiscing about you wearing "big boy undies". Yes, I will find some way to embarrass you, its my duty. You embarrass me at the stores by yelling, screaming, throwing fits, and showing how well "behaved" you are pretending not to be, so pay back is coming my sweet child.
Speaking of an embarrassing story, I can't wait to share later on. You discovered that if you pull the waist band of your underwear down over your privates, it creates a perfect little "display" of your privates. And I guess me laughing the first two times because it was funny that you found it so entertaining to do that probably wasn't a great idea. Because I fear you will do it in public. Which is fine. I think that some neighboring old couple will get a huge kick out of it remembering their child rearing days as I am so mortified that my face is red and I can't breathe.
You have been standing in the corner a lot lately. You really have been pushing the envelope to see how far you can go before mommy and daddy show we are serious. Jumping on the couch, jumping on the bed, kicking the dog, throwing toys (hard might I add) near breakable things, getting into things you are not allowed in (cupboards containing candy, etc), not getting into the car when told, not holding on to the cart in the store, I am sure some of these things can be looked over, but a good majority of them are pretty important. Jumping on the couch ruins our furniture, on top of the fact that if you fall off and hit your head on the very HARD coffee table, you will probably require a trip to the ER, same thing goes for the bed. If you break something by throwing a toy, especially since we told you not too, I know we would both be disappointed in having to monetarily replace the item (such as the TV, the glass coffee table, lamps, the china hutch, etc). You do not, despite what Granny or Papa teach you, need cookies and candy for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. You can have a treat, when you have been good enough to deserve it. Popsicles are a privileged, not a right. Throwing a fit because I said no doesn't really get you what you want. It gets you in the corner. If you had accepted I said no, I bet that in an hour, you would probably get it because you were being so good. I do not like it when you run around the grocery store like a hood loom, grabbing everything, breaking things (like today, the lid of the camomile lotion, embarrassing for pink stuff to be every where and having to give it to a clerk so I could go get a bottle that wasn't broken). People look at your behavior and wander if I ever discipline you at all or if I just don't care enough to put the effort in. It is embarrassing to me. I don't like having to explain why I do the things I do, I wish you would just obey the first time without questions, but I also understand that knowing why is vitally important for you to understand why you must obey. There might be a day when I need you to STOP running into the street, or something similar, and I don't have time to count to three or threaten. I need you to obey me immediately. Without hesitation. I used to hate when Granny would say to me that one day I would understand when I had children, and she is 100% right, and one day you will too.
So on to things you have learned. You are really doing well forming whole sentences. The other night you told daddy you had a booboo (owie) while you were in the bathtub, and daddy asked you where your booboo was at. You said, and I quote: My booboo is right there on my arm. I can just hear your sweet voice saying it right now as I re-read the sentence. And tonight I didn't finish all my burrito, and we usually try stressing that we finish all our food, but we don't force you to eat if you flat out refuse. We let you get up from the table with unfinished dinner. Often I will leave it on the table until you go to bed just in case you decide you are still hungry. I had like maybe two bites left, and one thing I have learned with all my surgeries, that if I am done, two more bites is two too many, and I get very sick and uncomfortable. So I got up to throw away my last two bites, and you caught site of the food on my plate, and you said to me: You no like it? I was amazed how you put that together that because I didn't finish it, it was because I didn't like it, not because I was full. I feel a little guilty that I was so short with you all day today. You are 2 yrs 9 mo, not 16, you move slow, you like to look at things, you get distracted easily and often you don't go as quick as I would like when it comes to getting into the car or getting out of the car, or getting into the cart, or whatever it is. I need to remind myself that you are still a very young child, and these are normal things. I need to go to bed right now, because that is what the problem was today too, I stayed up too late and felt tired all day today. Until 8 pm. Then I feel like I am ready to go. I need to figure out how to fix that so I can be a better mommy to you and wife to daddy. So please forgive me while I figure these things out. You are amazing. The transformations you are making are just out of this world. I cannot believe it. It really does feel like a few short months ago that daddy and I were bringing you home from the hospital, and you were so cross eyed trying to get your eye muscles to work so you could focus on us, and totally completely unable to control your hand and feet, or go potty on the toilet, or get into the fridge, per-ruse for a few second to see whats in there and sounds good, pick it out and bring it to me or daddy. Or when you started smiling (few and far between, but now you are a laughing kind of kid), rolling over, sitting up, crawling, walking, reaching, exploring, getting into drawers, throwing temper tantrums, pulling hair, pinching, teething, colds, growing spurts, all the baby weight melting off of you and the boy/man shape starting to form (muscles in other words). Ugh. And in 5 years I will look back to these days remembering how you just wanted to sit in my lap, you wanted me to stop cooking dinner so we could sit on the couch together, how you wanted me to rub your back and "kiss it better" on your booboos, and how you give me big hugs around the neck, and give me a kiss on the lips and then an eskimo kiss every night, and how you say Good night, and I lube ewe mommy. And I am going to miss you at this age. So I pray God helps me enjoy you now, instead of wishing for you to grow up, because it'll come all too quick. I also pray God allows me to stay with you for a very very long time. But God's will is perfect, and if he calls me up before you or anyone else feels it is time, than you must remember that it is time. It is his time. And you remember what you can about me. You read what I write for you. You read anything I wrote. I do not care. I have nothing to hide from you. I want you to know who I am, but mostly that I love you so very deeply that once I get to heaven, I will be looking for you to join me (so make sure you do what you need to do, as in accepting Jesus into your heart as your savior, and you continue doing the things Jesus and God calls you to do so you can get to heaven). And most of all, do not worry about me. I got this! I am mommy!!
Love,
Your mommy
PS We are currently trying to teach you our "real" names so if you ever get lost you can tell someone our names, you have daddy's name down great *Kris Mann* but for some reason Randi is hard to say, so you call me Granny Mann. Hahaha. We're going to keep working on that my sweet boy!
It has been a little while since I have blogged to you. It seems times slips away sometimes, and before I know it, I have so much to share with you I start forgetting.
So simply, I am amazed on how much you have learned in the last two weeks. First, you decided on your own you were ready to start potty training again. I gave you the choice of diaper/pull up or big boy undies, and you always choose the big boy undies. I am so proud of you! Today you have ZERO accidents, including pooping three times and peeing multiple times. Not even a wet front of the undies as you didn't catch it in time. My gosh, it won't be long before you are heading off to college and I will still be reminiscing about you wearing "big boy undies". Yes, I will find some way to embarrass you, its my duty. You embarrass me at the stores by yelling, screaming, throwing fits, and showing how well "behaved" you are pretending not to be, so pay back is coming my sweet child.
Speaking of an embarrassing story, I can't wait to share later on. You discovered that if you pull the waist band of your underwear down over your privates, it creates a perfect little "display" of your privates. And I guess me laughing the first two times because it was funny that you found it so entertaining to do that probably wasn't a great idea. Because I fear you will do it in public. Which is fine. I think that some neighboring old couple will get a huge kick out of it remembering their child rearing days as I am so mortified that my face is red and I can't breathe.
You have been standing in the corner a lot lately. You really have been pushing the envelope to see how far you can go before mommy and daddy show we are serious. Jumping on the couch, jumping on the bed, kicking the dog, throwing toys (hard might I add) near breakable things, getting into things you are not allowed in (cupboards containing candy, etc), not getting into the car when told, not holding on to the cart in the store, I am sure some of these things can be looked over, but a good majority of them are pretty important. Jumping on the couch ruins our furniture, on top of the fact that if you fall off and hit your head on the very HARD coffee table, you will probably require a trip to the ER, same thing goes for the bed. If you break something by throwing a toy, especially since we told you not too, I know we would both be disappointed in having to monetarily replace the item (such as the TV, the glass coffee table, lamps, the china hutch, etc). You do not, despite what Granny or Papa teach you, need cookies and candy for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. You can have a treat, when you have been good enough to deserve it. Popsicles are a privileged, not a right. Throwing a fit because I said no doesn't really get you what you want. It gets you in the corner. If you had accepted I said no, I bet that in an hour, you would probably get it because you were being so good. I do not like it when you run around the grocery store like a hood loom, grabbing everything, breaking things (like today, the lid of the camomile lotion, embarrassing for pink stuff to be every where and having to give it to a clerk so I could go get a bottle that wasn't broken). People look at your behavior and wander if I ever discipline you at all or if I just don't care enough to put the effort in. It is embarrassing to me. I don't like having to explain why I do the things I do, I wish you would just obey the first time without questions, but I also understand that knowing why is vitally important for you to understand why you must obey. There might be a day when I need you to STOP running into the street, or something similar, and I don't have time to count to three or threaten. I need you to obey me immediately. Without hesitation. I used to hate when Granny would say to me that one day I would understand when I had children, and she is 100% right, and one day you will too.
So on to things you have learned. You are really doing well forming whole sentences. The other night you told daddy you had a booboo (owie) while you were in the bathtub, and daddy asked you where your booboo was at. You said, and I quote: My booboo is right there on my arm. I can just hear your sweet voice saying it right now as I re-read the sentence. And tonight I didn't finish all my burrito, and we usually try stressing that we finish all our food, but we don't force you to eat if you flat out refuse. We let you get up from the table with unfinished dinner. Often I will leave it on the table until you go to bed just in case you decide you are still hungry. I had like maybe two bites left, and one thing I have learned with all my surgeries, that if I am done, two more bites is two too many, and I get very sick and uncomfortable. So I got up to throw away my last two bites, and you caught site of the food on my plate, and you said to me: You no like it? I was amazed how you put that together that because I didn't finish it, it was because I didn't like it, not because I was full. I feel a little guilty that I was so short with you all day today. You are 2 yrs 9 mo, not 16, you move slow, you like to look at things, you get distracted easily and often you don't go as quick as I would like when it comes to getting into the car or getting out of the car, or getting into the cart, or whatever it is. I need to remind myself that you are still a very young child, and these are normal things. I need to go to bed right now, because that is what the problem was today too, I stayed up too late and felt tired all day today. Until 8 pm. Then I feel like I am ready to go. I need to figure out how to fix that so I can be a better mommy to you and wife to daddy. So please forgive me while I figure these things out. You are amazing. The transformations you are making are just out of this world. I cannot believe it. It really does feel like a few short months ago that daddy and I were bringing you home from the hospital, and you were so cross eyed trying to get your eye muscles to work so you could focus on us, and totally completely unable to control your hand and feet, or go potty on the toilet, or get into the fridge, per-ruse for a few second to see whats in there and sounds good, pick it out and bring it to me or daddy. Or when you started smiling (few and far between, but now you are a laughing kind of kid), rolling over, sitting up, crawling, walking, reaching, exploring, getting into drawers, throwing temper tantrums, pulling hair, pinching, teething, colds, growing spurts, all the baby weight melting off of you and the boy/man shape starting to form (muscles in other words). Ugh. And in 5 years I will look back to these days remembering how you just wanted to sit in my lap, you wanted me to stop cooking dinner so we could sit on the couch together, how you wanted me to rub your back and "kiss it better" on your booboos, and how you give me big hugs around the neck, and give me a kiss on the lips and then an eskimo kiss every night, and how you say Good night, and I lube ewe mommy. And I am going to miss you at this age. So I pray God helps me enjoy you now, instead of wishing for you to grow up, because it'll come all too quick. I also pray God allows me to stay with you for a very very long time. But God's will is perfect, and if he calls me up before you or anyone else feels it is time, than you must remember that it is time. It is his time. And you remember what you can about me. You read what I write for you. You read anything I wrote. I do not care. I have nothing to hide from you. I want you to know who I am, but mostly that I love you so very deeply that once I get to heaven, I will be looking for you to join me (so make sure you do what you need to do, as in accepting Jesus into your heart as your savior, and you continue doing the things Jesus and God calls you to do so you can get to heaven). And most of all, do not worry about me. I got this! I am mommy!!
Love,
Your mommy
PS We are currently trying to teach you our "real" names so if you ever get lost you can tell someone our names, you have daddy's name down great *Kris Mann* but for some reason Randi is hard to say, so you call me Granny Mann. Hahaha. We're going to keep working on that my sweet boy!
Monday, April 23, 2012
Dear Ethan 4-23-12
Dear Ethan,
Thank you so much for all the body fluids today. I appreciate you not letting me know your diaper was full and you had peepee on your pants while sitting on the couch for 10 minutes. Then I really appreciate you going into your room, after asking you what you were doing and you told me you were playing in your room (bottomless, I find you use the potty if there isn't anything to "catch" your pee/poop in, today was an exception, I shall continue), and peeing on the floor, then proceeding to run into the kitchen and let me know, with a huge accomplished smile on your face, that you peed on the floor. At last, my day hasn't even started, just finishing pour a bowl of cereal for me to eat and putting the milk in it, when you bring me one of your balloons with brown stuff on it, and my heart catches in my throat for I fear it is poop, but I pray it isn't. So I ask you, Ethan, what is this?!? You tell me: "PooPoo". Oh lord. I say show me. You lead me into the living room, right in front of the tv, and sure enough, you left mommy a nice little present. Ugh. All I can say is thankfully it was a poop with some consistency. Because honestly, you have had some really nasty, soft poops, and this didn't stick to the carpet or anything (gross I know, but I am thankful I didn't have to scrub it up). I fear my little chat with you about how sad and disappointed I was for you pooping on the carpet fell on to deaf ears. So then, lunch time comes and goes, and it's time for nap, and I went to pull off your diaper so you can have a clean one during nap, and you neglected to tell me you pooped in your diaper (usually you LOVE announcing it RIGHT after you do it) and I just about flung all your poop all over your bed. YUCK! You stood very good and listened very well today while I did my best to prevent poop from being put every where. So then, yes, there is a so then, we are outside this afternoon, playing in the sprinkler, and I see you just standing on the welcome mat on our front porch, with a look of concentration. My heart catches, I so fear you are pooping in your pants, and that would not be good because you are SOAKED to the skin, and I didn't put a diaper on you, all you are wearing is shoes, shorts, underwear, and a tank top. I ask you what you're doing, you announce with all the pleasure in the world, that you are peeing. Oh thank goodness. For just a split second. Because then I realize you are peeing on our welcome mat that leads into our front door. You proceed to pee in clean underwear a little while later and you poop at least two more times tonight. My goodness child. I am just up to my elbows in bodily fluids. And I will say, thank you for actually BLOWING your nose in the kleenex tonight, I don't know if someone else has been practicing with you for that, or you have just heard and see us doing it enough, but I have to say it was the first time you blew. Well goodnight my peeing, pooping, booger filled little boy. Thank goodness you didn't throw up today (knock on wood).
Thank you so much for all the body fluids today. I appreciate you not letting me know your diaper was full and you had peepee on your pants while sitting on the couch for 10 minutes. Then I really appreciate you going into your room, after asking you what you were doing and you told me you were playing in your room (bottomless, I find you use the potty if there isn't anything to "catch" your pee/poop in, today was an exception, I shall continue), and peeing on the floor, then proceeding to run into the kitchen and let me know, with a huge accomplished smile on your face, that you peed on the floor. At last, my day hasn't even started, just finishing pour a bowl of cereal for me to eat and putting the milk in it, when you bring me one of your balloons with brown stuff on it, and my heart catches in my throat for I fear it is poop, but I pray it isn't. So I ask you, Ethan, what is this?!? You tell me: "PooPoo". Oh lord. I say show me. You lead me into the living room, right in front of the tv, and sure enough, you left mommy a nice little present. Ugh. All I can say is thankfully it was a poop with some consistency. Because honestly, you have had some really nasty, soft poops, and this didn't stick to the carpet or anything (gross I know, but I am thankful I didn't have to scrub it up). I fear my little chat with you about how sad and disappointed I was for you pooping on the carpet fell on to deaf ears. So then, lunch time comes and goes, and it's time for nap, and I went to pull off your diaper so you can have a clean one during nap, and you neglected to tell me you pooped in your diaper (usually you LOVE announcing it RIGHT after you do it) and I just about flung all your poop all over your bed. YUCK! You stood very good and listened very well today while I did my best to prevent poop from being put every where. So then, yes, there is a so then, we are outside this afternoon, playing in the sprinkler, and I see you just standing on the welcome mat on our front porch, with a look of concentration. My heart catches, I so fear you are pooping in your pants, and that would not be good because you are SOAKED to the skin, and I didn't put a diaper on you, all you are wearing is shoes, shorts, underwear, and a tank top. I ask you what you're doing, you announce with all the pleasure in the world, that you are peeing. Oh thank goodness. For just a split second. Because then I realize you are peeing on our welcome mat that leads into our front door. You proceed to pee in clean underwear a little while later and you poop at least two more times tonight. My goodness child. I am just up to my elbows in bodily fluids. And I will say, thank you for actually BLOWING your nose in the kleenex tonight, I don't know if someone else has been practicing with you for that, or you have just heard and see us doing it enough, but I have to say it was the first time you blew. Well goodnight my peeing, pooping, booger filled little boy. Thank goodness you didn't throw up today (knock on wood).
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Dear Ethan 4-18-12
Dear Ethan,
Oh my gosh. You have been nothing but trying these last three days. Defiant. Disobedient. Sneaky. Mean. Angry. I do not know what has gotten into you. Maybe there's a full moon or something, but I don't know, you are just out of control! It makes me, mommy, really really really REALLY need a break! I have been very AGAINST putting you in daycare, and it has almost been a year since I quit my job to stay home with you. It'll be a year May 13th, and we moved down to Beeville as of the 20th. But I have given it some thought, and the First Methodist Church in Beeville does a mothers day out, twice a week from 8:30-3:30 at a VERY affordable price. It is only during the school year, which is fine, only gives me about a month left to get you in, but I could accomplish so much with you being there! I could get to the grocery store, to the laundry mat, to any appointment that I would need to go to, to the post office, clean the house GOOD, whatever needs to be done. And in return, you get to play with other kids, and hopefully learn about Jesus. I think maybe it would be good for you to have that time away from me, as much as it would be good for me to have that time away from you. As much as I love you (whole heartedly), there just has to be a break every once in a while. And I don't mean for long, just a day here and there. And if I can find that at this MDO, and you benefit from it too, then we both can be happy!!
On a different note, something I so desperately want to remember, is that you have the EXACT same color eyes (right now, I am not sure if your eyes are going to change any more) as my grandpa. So that would be your great-grandpa. Which is Grandpa Gary, or papa, or whatever we end up calling him, that's his dad. Grandpa Don is what I always called him. He was a great guy. I don't know if I can EVER remember my entire life him raising his voice in anger, or honestly, him getting really angry. That doesn't mean he didn't. He is just from a different era, a different breed, and papa is the same way. There aren't many times growing up that I remember my dad, your papa, raising his voice to yell at us out of anger, maybe if we needed to get out of the road or something was immediately dangerous, but both papa and grandpa Don have this quiet, reserved, quality about them that sure seems like it is a dying quality in today's time. I really need to pick papa's mind on how he manages to be like that, but I suspect that much of it has to do with personality, he is just so laid back. That sure isn't my personality. I am all over the place, loud, energetic, mostly loud. So anyway, grandpa Don passed away on November 29th, 2011. It sure was a hard battle for him. He started hurting back, we believe, in July 2010. Looking at pictures, you can see it in his face that something wasn't right, that normally very big smile was kind of strained and sometimes absent. He didn't start complaining of the pain until after Thanksgiving of 2010. The doctors misdiagnosed him at least three times. First they said it was the flu, then shingles, then pleurosis. Finally, in February 2011, after being in the hospital for a few days due to immense pain in which they had him hooked up to some pretty strong narcotics, they diagnosed him with mesothelomia. That's some pretty nasty stuff. I am sure there is bound to be a lot more of it come up here real soon, within the next 10 years or so. A good chunk of the people will be in their 70's and 80's, will have been in a Navy doing asbestos lining on the ships, laying dry wall lined with asbestos, or tearing it down, and probably factory workers as well. There isn't a cure for it. Honestly, there isn't even much they can do for it. Remove a lung, or the damaged parts. Try chemo. That's what G'pa did. They went in and scraped as much of his pleural lining clean from tumors that they could, but opted out of lung surgery due to his age, his condition, and honestly, I guess, maybe they got in there and thought: well, this isn't no good, all we are doing is prolonging his life for what? Maybe a few months. And it's possible the doctors didn't ONCE think of that, but instead the insurance company is the one who put the breaks on. Grandpa was 76 years old when they diagnosed him. Anyway, chemo was hard for him. He lost a good chunk of his appetite, his energy, his zeal for life. But they felt that the chemo did good. They shrunk his tumors down so much! You and I went to visit on his 76th birthday, it was a little over 1 mo before you turned 2. I remember because I knew it would be the last time we would fly free with you, haha
Here are some pictures of G'pa Don that I want you to see. I hope this picture of him where I see his eyes are the same color will enlarge for you one day when you want to see what I see.
This is Grandpa Don holding you. You were just two weeks old. This is the BEST picture of his eyes, when I zoom in, I see your eyes. I see the green on the outside, followed by the brown near the iris. It is absolutely amazing how similar your eyes are! August 2009
This is you, still two weeks old, being help by Papa. Grandpa Don and Grandma Mea (what I call them, but I think your Great Aunt Lorie has changed it to Papa and Mimi for your second cousin Raylin) August 2009
Back row is Papa, Mimi, Grandpa Don (also papa), daddy, mommy, uncle Curtis, and you. This is August 2009
Oh my gosh. You have been nothing but trying these last three days. Defiant. Disobedient. Sneaky. Mean. Angry. I do not know what has gotten into you. Maybe there's a full moon or something, but I don't know, you are just out of control! It makes me, mommy, really really really REALLY need a break! I have been very AGAINST putting you in daycare, and it has almost been a year since I quit my job to stay home with you. It'll be a year May 13th, and we moved down to Beeville as of the 20th. But I have given it some thought, and the First Methodist Church in Beeville does a mothers day out, twice a week from 8:30-3:30 at a VERY affordable price. It is only during the school year, which is fine, only gives me about a month left to get you in, but I could accomplish so much with you being there! I could get to the grocery store, to the laundry mat, to any appointment that I would need to go to, to the post office, clean the house GOOD, whatever needs to be done. And in return, you get to play with other kids, and hopefully learn about Jesus. I think maybe it would be good for you to have that time away from me, as much as it would be good for me to have that time away from you. As much as I love you (whole heartedly), there just has to be a break every once in a while. And I don't mean for long, just a day here and there. And if I can find that at this MDO, and you benefit from it too, then we both can be happy!!
On a different note, something I so desperately want to remember, is that you have the EXACT same color eyes (right now, I am not sure if your eyes are going to change any more) as my grandpa. So that would be your great-grandpa. Which is Grandpa Gary, or papa, or whatever we end up calling him, that's his dad. Grandpa Don is what I always called him. He was a great guy. I don't know if I can EVER remember my entire life him raising his voice in anger, or honestly, him getting really angry. That doesn't mean he didn't. He is just from a different era, a different breed, and papa is the same way. There aren't many times growing up that I remember my dad, your papa, raising his voice to yell at us out of anger, maybe if we needed to get out of the road or something was immediately dangerous, but both papa and grandpa Don have this quiet, reserved, quality about them that sure seems like it is a dying quality in today's time. I really need to pick papa's mind on how he manages to be like that, but I suspect that much of it has to do with personality, he is just so laid back. That sure isn't my personality. I am all over the place, loud, energetic, mostly loud. So anyway, grandpa Don passed away on November 29th, 2011. It sure was a hard battle for him. He started hurting back, we believe, in July 2010. Looking at pictures, you can see it in his face that something wasn't right, that normally very big smile was kind of strained and sometimes absent. He didn't start complaining of the pain until after Thanksgiving of 2010. The doctors misdiagnosed him at least three times. First they said it was the flu, then shingles, then pleurosis. Finally, in February 2011, after being in the hospital for a few days due to immense pain in which they had him hooked up to some pretty strong narcotics, they diagnosed him with mesothelomia. That's some pretty nasty stuff. I am sure there is bound to be a lot more of it come up here real soon, within the next 10 years or so. A good chunk of the people will be in their 70's and 80's, will have been in a Navy doing asbestos lining on the ships, laying dry wall lined with asbestos, or tearing it down, and probably factory workers as well. There isn't a cure for it. Honestly, there isn't even much they can do for it. Remove a lung, or the damaged parts. Try chemo. That's what G'pa did. They went in and scraped as much of his pleural lining clean from tumors that they could, but opted out of lung surgery due to his age, his condition, and honestly, I guess, maybe they got in there and thought: well, this isn't no good, all we are doing is prolonging his life for what? Maybe a few months. And it's possible the doctors didn't ONCE think of that, but instead the insurance company is the one who put the breaks on. Grandpa was 76 years old when they diagnosed him. Anyway, chemo was hard for him. He lost a good chunk of his appetite, his energy, his zeal for life. But they felt that the chemo did good. They shrunk his tumors down so much! You and I went to visit on his 76th birthday, it was a little over 1 mo before you turned 2. I remember because I knew it would be the last time we would fly free with you, haha
Here are some pictures of G'pa Don that I want you to see. I hope this picture of him where I see his eyes are the same color will enlarge for you one day when you want to see what I see.
Here you are, being help by grandpa Don outside of Tyler Texas. Grandpa Don (papa), Grandma Mea (mimi), Great Aunt Lorie, Great Uncle Mark, Great Aunt Julie, Uncle Curtis, Papa, and Raylin all came out to celebrate Grandpa and Grandpa's 50th anniversary. You are around 10 months old in this picture. May 2010
Giving grandpa Don some love, touching his wrinkles and his moustache. May 2010
We went out to eat. Mimi, Papa, Mommy, grandpa Don (papa) and you @ 10 mo old (may 2010)
You didn't like the water much then. I don't know if it was the feeling of separation you didn't like or what, but you HATED swimming for a long long time! Grandpa Don, daddy, and you @ 10 mo old (May 2010)
I love this picture. Grandpa was really trying to smile, but every picture we caught of him, it was really strained. Kind of like your face, hahaha! So you are sitting on Mimi's lap, and Raylin is sitting on Papa's lap. This is March 2011, and you are about 1.5 years old. My, look how much you have changed in just a few short months. Raylin is about 5 I think. Yea, five going on 6.
Fun picture! Mimi (g'ma) and Papa (g'pa) with all their grandchildren. So you have mommy in the back, uncle Curtis in the front, you on Mimi's lap, and Raylin on Papa's lap. March 2011.
The last time the whole family got together. Daddy's in the far back top row, then mommy, with you on my lap, next to mommy is Mimi (g'ma) and Papa (g'pa), next to him is Great aunt Julie, and your Papa at the end, Uncle Curtis is next to Papa, then Great Uncle Mark with Raylin on his lap and Great Aunt Lorie pulling up the end. The Dog in the picture is J.J. Your papa loves his dogs, especially ones that look just like this. Uncle Curtis and I had a dog EXACTLY look-a-like (different personality tho) growing up called Jessie, so J.J. stands for Jessie Jr. (March 2011)
I can't believe I don't have any pictures on the computer of the last trip we took. I know I have pictures. I will need to try to pull them off the camera (which has since broken, but hopefully the memory card coped well) and look on my phone to see what I have, maybe I can upload a few and then update this blog. I love you Ethan, as much as you push all my buttons. Forever and for always.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Dear Ethan 4-16-12
Dear Ethan,
This is my first blog to you. I hope it is the first of many. My goal is to write to you at least once a week, if not more. Things have changed so fast since the day we brought you home. So fast since the day we found out we were going from a couple to a family. And I have forgotten so much of it. I tried to record as much as I could in your baby book, but it just seems time slips away. I wish I had started this sooner, but today is the perfect day to start! So go forward, I may reminisce on the past, as in before I started this, or possibly even the past during this running, but the only way I can go is forward!
You are a little over two and a half. To be technical, you are over two years, eight months. My gosh. What a sweet, ornery, loud, demanding, loving, smart, and happy child you have become. I could never have imagined that you would be the way you are, the person you are becoming. I cannot imagine what another two and a half years, five years, ten years, twenty years will bring for who you are. I pray for you to know God, for nothing else matters. For you to know Jesus. For you to know that he died for you. This is my biggest hope in life for you. Nothing else matters.
This morning, early, after daddy left for work and you had fallen back to sleep (because you like to wake up at 6:45, and I really need an extra half hour to hour of sleep, so I holler from the living room for you to go back to sleep, sometimes coming in there to rehug you, for the 100th time, and retuck you in) I prayed for the first time for you for your future wife. I heard it isn't too early to be praying for this. This is a blessing I want to bestow upon you. A wife that loves you for who you are, even if ya'll have some arguments, a wife who will take care of you, a wife whom you cherish so deeply that you would do anything for her, a wife who has a heart after God first, then you, then your family. I wish who brings you honor and respect among your friends and coworkers, and wife who will raise your children (and my grandbabies, yikes, I do NOT like thinking of that being you aren't even 3 yet) to love God and Jesus and to win over hearts into the Kingdom of God. I pray for the perfect timing for you to be emotionally, physically, and spiritually prepared to meet your wife, to love and cherish her, for her to love and respect you. Because you might be 16 when you meet her, or you might be 30. You might meet a woman who already has children, or you might be the father to your own children. You do not know God's calling for you, so you need to be ever open to his voice and his direction. He will lead you, and never leave you.
Today was a good day (I say this at the end of your nap, so I pray you wake up refreshed and happy, it is always difficult when you wake up cranky, but that happens to me some times too, it just seems I roll out on the wrong side of the bed some mornings, and it takes everything I have to get through the day, it is nothing to do with you, it is me being in a bad mood, and you are just being an average toddler, knowing how to push my buttons). Mommy did the dishes, you watched Ice Age II, Lion King (twice), ate some food, ate lunch, played your computer game you like, then went and laid down for a nap. Oh, you also helped me clean the bathroom a little after you finished eating lunch. You loved spraying the Windex on the mirror, and all over the counters and all over the sink, and frankly, just any where. You did a GREAT job wiping it off with paper towels and what not too. You are becoming a pretty good help, it just takes mommy a few minutes to realize that you are probably not going to do it exactly like I do it, but you are still going to do a great job. I would love to take you outside today, but it is raining, a rarity in Beeville. Like super rare. Maybe a sprinkle or two, or a down pour for 5 minutes, but it has been steadily raining for over an hour. Strange. Maybe well go out and play in the mud. How you love getting dirty. Well, that's the funny thing. You love getting dirty on YOUR terms! Haha. As in, heaven forbid you slip in the mud, then the world will end, but to take the mud and fling it, that's cool. You make me smile so often doing things like that. You won't let me help you spread your blanket on you, but you can't remove a string from your finger. Hahaha! That is one of those things that drives me NUTS because it always freaks you out to the point of screaming, and it seems to only happen when I can't stop what I am doing (like driving, or hands in dish water, or trying not to burn dinner) is when you get this problem.
Well Ethan, I will be writing you often. As often as I can. I hope to put up a picture every week or at least every month too. I want to remember the funny things you say, or possibly the biggest fit ever, or the thing we struggle with the most (right now it is obeying mommy and daddy, whew, that is so difficult), and any achievements! I love you so much my son. I hope that these blogs prove that to you, and that every day I never fail to hug you, and kiss you, and tell you how I love you so. I know my time with you is limited, mostly because the old saying about daughters and sons is 100% true (your son is your son, until he meets his wife, your daughter is your daughter for the rest of your life). What that means is, for the most part, once you meet that other leading lady in your life, the one whose opinion will mean more than mine, the one whose family you will almost always go see first (hopefully we live close so I can steal you and my gbabies away), until then, I hope to make sure you know how special you are to me. Always.
Love Mommy
This is my first blog to you. I hope it is the first of many. My goal is to write to you at least once a week, if not more. Things have changed so fast since the day we brought you home. So fast since the day we found out we were going from a couple to a family. And I have forgotten so much of it. I tried to record as much as I could in your baby book, but it just seems time slips away. I wish I had started this sooner, but today is the perfect day to start! So go forward, I may reminisce on the past, as in before I started this, or possibly even the past during this running, but the only way I can go is forward!
You are a little over two and a half. To be technical, you are over two years, eight months. My gosh. What a sweet, ornery, loud, demanding, loving, smart, and happy child you have become. I could never have imagined that you would be the way you are, the person you are becoming. I cannot imagine what another two and a half years, five years, ten years, twenty years will bring for who you are. I pray for you to know God, for nothing else matters. For you to know Jesus. For you to know that he died for you. This is my biggest hope in life for you. Nothing else matters.
This morning, early, after daddy left for work and you had fallen back to sleep (because you like to wake up at 6:45, and I really need an extra half hour to hour of sleep, so I holler from the living room for you to go back to sleep, sometimes coming in there to rehug you, for the 100th time, and retuck you in) I prayed for the first time for you for your future wife. I heard it isn't too early to be praying for this. This is a blessing I want to bestow upon you. A wife that loves you for who you are, even if ya'll have some arguments, a wife who will take care of you, a wife whom you cherish so deeply that you would do anything for her, a wife who has a heart after God first, then you, then your family. I wish who brings you honor and respect among your friends and coworkers, and wife who will raise your children (and my grandbabies, yikes, I do NOT like thinking of that being you aren't even 3 yet) to love God and Jesus and to win over hearts into the Kingdom of God. I pray for the perfect timing for you to be emotionally, physically, and spiritually prepared to meet your wife, to love and cherish her, for her to love and respect you. Because you might be 16 when you meet her, or you might be 30. You might meet a woman who already has children, or you might be the father to your own children. You do not know God's calling for you, so you need to be ever open to his voice and his direction. He will lead you, and never leave you.
Today was a good day (I say this at the end of your nap, so I pray you wake up refreshed and happy, it is always difficult when you wake up cranky, but that happens to me some times too, it just seems I roll out on the wrong side of the bed some mornings, and it takes everything I have to get through the day, it is nothing to do with you, it is me being in a bad mood, and you are just being an average toddler, knowing how to push my buttons). Mommy did the dishes, you watched Ice Age II, Lion King (twice), ate some food, ate lunch, played your computer game you like, then went and laid down for a nap. Oh, you also helped me clean the bathroom a little after you finished eating lunch. You loved spraying the Windex on the mirror, and all over the counters and all over the sink, and frankly, just any where. You did a GREAT job wiping it off with paper towels and what not too. You are becoming a pretty good help, it just takes mommy a few minutes to realize that you are probably not going to do it exactly like I do it, but you are still going to do a great job. I would love to take you outside today, but it is raining, a rarity in Beeville. Like super rare. Maybe a sprinkle or two, or a down pour for 5 minutes, but it has been steadily raining for over an hour. Strange. Maybe well go out and play in the mud. How you love getting dirty. Well, that's the funny thing. You love getting dirty on YOUR terms! Haha. As in, heaven forbid you slip in the mud, then the world will end, but to take the mud and fling it, that's cool. You make me smile so often doing things like that. You won't let me help you spread your blanket on you, but you can't remove a string from your finger. Hahaha! That is one of those things that drives me NUTS because it always freaks you out to the point of screaming, and it seems to only happen when I can't stop what I am doing (like driving, or hands in dish water, or trying not to burn dinner) is when you get this problem.
Well Ethan, I will be writing you often. As often as I can. I hope to put up a picture every week or at least every month too. I want to remember the funny things you say, or possibly the biggest fit ever, or the thing we struggle with the most (right now it is obeying mommy and daddy, whew, that is so difficult), and any achievements! I love you so much my son. I hope that these blogs prove that to you, and that every day I never fail to hug you, and kiss you, and tell you how I love you so. I know my time with you is limited, mostly because the old saying about daughters and sons is 100% true (your son is your son, until he meets his wife, your daughter is your daughter for the rest of your life). What that means is, for the most part, once you meet that other leading lady in your life, the one whose opinion will mean more than mine, the one whose family you will almost always go see first (hopefully we live close so I can steal you and my gbabies away), until then, I hope to make sure you know how special you are to me. Always.
Love Mommy
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