Oh my gosh. You have been nothing but trying these last three days. Defiant. Disobedient. Sneaky. Mean. Angry. I do not know what has gotten into you. Maybe there's a full moon or something, but I don't know, you are just out of control! It makes me, mommy, really really really REALLY need a break! I have been very AGAINST putting you in daycare, and it has almost been a year since I quit my job to stay home with you. It'll be a year May 13th, and we moved down to Beeville as of the 20th. But I have given it some thought, and the First Methodist Church in Beeville does a mothers day out, twice a week from 8:30-3:30 at a VERY affordable price. It is only during the school year, which is fine, only gives me about a month left to get you in, but I could accomplish so much with you being there! I could get to the grocery store, to the laundry mat, to any appointment that I would need to go to, to the post office, clean the house GOOD, whatever needs to be done. And in return, you get to play with other kids, and hopefully learn about Jesus. I think maybe it would be good for you to have that time away from me, as much as it would be good for me to have that time away from you. As much as I love you (whole heartedly), there just has to be a break every once in a while. And I don't mean for long, just a day here and there. And if I can find that at this MDO, and you benefit from it too, then we both can be happy!!
On a different note, something I so desperately want to remember, is that you have the EXACT same color eyes (right now, I am not sure if your eyes are going to change any more) as my grandpa. So that would be your great-grandpa. Which is Grandpa Gary, or papa, or whatever we end up calling him, that's his dad. Grandpa Don is what I always called him. He was a great guy. I don't know if I can EVER remember my entire life him raising his voice in anger, or honestly, him getting really angry. That doesn't mean he didn't. He is just from a different era, a different breed, and papa is the same way. There aren't many times growing up that I remember my dad, your papa, raising his voice to yell at us out of anger, maybe if we needed to get out of the road or something was immediately dangerous, but both papa and grandpa Don have this quiet, reserved, quality about them that sure seems like it is a dying quality in today's time. I really need to pick papa's mind on how he manages to be like that, but I suspect that much of it has to do with personality, he is just so laid back. That sure isn't my personality. I am all over the place, loud, energetic, mostly loud. So anyway, grandpa Don passed away on November 29th, 2011. It sure was a hard battle for him. He started hurting back, we believe, in July 2010. Looking at pictures, you can see it in his face that something wasn't right, that normally very big smile was kind of strained and sometimes absent. He didn't start complaining of the pain until after Thanksgiving of 2010. The doctors misdiagnosed him at least three times. First they said it was the flu, then shingles, then pleurosis. Finally, in February 2011, after being in the hospital for a few days due to immense pain in which they had him hooked up to some pretty strong narcotics, they diagnosed him with mesothelomia. That's some pretty nasty stuff. I am sure there is bound to be a lot more of it come up here real soon, within the next 10 years or so. A good chunk of the people will be in their 70's and 80's, will have been in a Navy doing asbestos lining on the ships, laying dry wall lined with asbestos, or tearing it down, and probably factory workers as well. There isn't a cure for it. Honestly, there isn't even much they can do for it. Remove a lung, or the damaged parts. Try chemo. That's what G'pa did. They went in and scraped as much of his pleural lining clean from tumors that they could, but opted out of lung surgery due to his age, his condition, and honestly, I guess, maybe they got in there and thought: well, this isn't no good, all we are doing is prolonging his life for what? Maybe a few months. And it's possible the doctors didn't ONCE think of that, but instead the insurance company is the one who put the breaks on. Grandpa was 76 years old when they diagnosed him. Anyway, chemo was hard for him. He lost a good chunk of his appetite, his energy, his zeal for life. But they felt that the chemo did good. They shrunk his tumors down so much! You and I went to visit on his 76th birthday, it was a little over 1 mo before you turned 2. I remember because I knew it would be the last time we would fly free with you, haha
Here are some pictures of G'pa Don that I want you to see. I hope this picture of him where I see his eyes are the same color will enlarge for you one day when you want to see what I see.
Here you are, being help by grandpa Don outside of Tyler Texas. Grandpa Don (papa), Grandma Mea (mimi), Great Aunt Lorie, Great Uncle Mark, Great Aunt Julie, Uncle Curtis, Papa, and Raylin all came out to celebrate Grandpa and Grandpa's 50th anniversary. You are around 10 months old in this picture. May 2010
Giving grandpa Don some love, touching his wrinkles and his moustache. May 2010
We went out to eat. Mimi, Papa, Mommy, grandpa Don (papa) and you @ 10 mo old (may 2010)
You didn't like the water much then. I don't know if it was the feeling of separation you didn't like or what, but you HATED swimming for a long long time! Grandpa Don, daddy, and you @ 10 mo old (May 2010)
I love this picture. Grandpa was really trying to smile, but every picture we caught of him, it was really strained. Kind of like your face, hahaha! So you are sitting on Mimi's lap, and Raylin is sitting on Papa's lap. This is March 2011, and you are about 1.5 years old. My, look how much you have changed in just a few short months. Raylin is about 5 I think. Yea, five going on 6.
Fun picture! Mimi (g'ma) and Papa (g'pa) with all their grandchildren. So you have mommy in the back, uncle Curtis in the front, you on Mimi's lap, and Raylin on Papa's lap. March 2011.
The last time the whole family got together. Daddy's in the far back top row, then mommy, with you on my lap, next to mommy is Mimi (g'ma) and Papa (g'pa), next to him is Great aunt Julie, and your Papa at the end, Uncle Curtis is next to Papa, then Great Uncle Mark with Raylin on his lap and Great Aunt Lorie pulling up the end. The Dog in the picture is J.J. Your papa loves his dogs, especially ones that look just like this. Uncle Curtis and I had a dog EXACTLY look-a-like (different personality tho) growing up called Jessie, so J.J. stands for Jessie Jr. (March 2011)
I can't believe I don't have any pictures on the computer of the last trip we took. I know I have pictures. I will need to try to pull them off the camera (which has since broken, but hopefully the memory card coped well) and look on my phone to see what I have, maybe I can upload a few and then update this blog. I love you Ethan, as much as you push all my buttons. Forever and for always.
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